Apr 7

At first I was skeptical that something like this would have any effect on the way I’m feeling. It sounds crazy to listen to a soothing voice telling you how to feel, but I’m honestly glad I gave it a try, and feel better for it. I wanted to post this publicly to help anyone else who may feel like they have forgotten how to relax, maybe your stressed, anxious, depressed, or all of the above… take some time for yourself, close you eyes, and just listen. It certainly relaxed me and best of all gave me hope and a clear vision of who I want to be.

You can get through this. Sending positive energy your way ~~~~

Listen to it again and again, as much as you need. Stay calm and stay at peace. <3

Mar 7


I knew the home buying process was going to be stressful, but I had no idea it was going to be THIS stressful. My anxiety has been at an all time high, and it’s been affecting just about every aspect of my life. The worst part is I don’t see that ending soon. It’s scary!

I have talked a lot about becoming healthy on this blog, and that hasn’t really included mental health, but it should. Social anxiety has been my burden for as long as I can remember. I deal with it well, and often force myself into uncomfortable situations just to continue my progress. In fact, most people have no idea that I struggle with this.

Lately I have been feeling a whole new form of anxiety. The pressure of finding the right house, staying in budget, educating myself on all the terms, learning about taxes, negotiating, mortgages, insurance,… I have been fully engulfed for months, and I’m starting to crack. That on top of everything else in life- it’s too much! This is the first time my anxiety has caused me physical discomfort. My throat swells with stress, my heart races, and my chest tightens. It’s easy to start to panic, or even feel like I’m dying. I am embarrassed to admit that I don’t always handle situations with ease, that I may cry about things, or even have panic attacks, but holding it in and keeping it secret only makes everything worse.

Also, I’m not alone in feeling this way as my constant google searching has revealed, so I take comfort in that. So maybe one of you might take comfort in knowing despite me being my usual happy self, I too struggle with depression from time to time behind closed doors, and that’s okay. I refuse to let anxiety control my life. This phase will pass, and I will keep breathing and keep moving forward.

My health is very important to me, physical and mental. No matter what else may be going on, I can’t lose focus on myself and my well being. Sometimes I just need a reminder to take a break and relax, let my mind be at ease, let my worries float away, let my body rest. So, with all that said, now I must take a deep breath and relax!


and on an unrelated note,..

Read More

setbacks and such!

Let me start off by saying I absolutely cannot wait to get back into working out again! I just finished a mild 20 min workout to get the blood flowing. I wish I could say it felt great, but it was embarrassingly strenuous for me. It’s been a long time since I’ve pushed myself, and I want to get back into beast mode!

I don’t get sick often these days, but when I do, it all clusters together into a full month of feeling like crap. First I had a virus, followed by never-ending bronchitis. I tried to workout after a week or so, but every time I attempted that my coughing worsened. My lungs just couldn’t take it, so I chose to take the time to rest and fully recover.

50 days later, and here I am… FINALLY back to healthy and ready to ease back into it. Other than being sick, I have been busy. As usual there’s a million things going on right now, but I think breaking away to workout will only help.

Now if I could just get the guts to weigh myself and see how much my rest period has set me back from my goals…. hmmm better give it a week.

Feb 5

The Biggest… Loser?

Um, can we just talk candidly about The Biggest Loser for a sec? *spoiler-ish*

I haven’t been watching this season except a few episodes here and there, and I just checked out of curiosity to see who won and…. wow.

The look of concern the judges and fellow contestants threw her said it all. I’m really shocked that NBC has even aired this, were they really that clueless that one of their contestants has resorted to anorexia to win? Or did they just not care enough? Don’t even tell me about her BMI and all that garbage, the girl looks sick and could barely get her fragile body up the stairs to weigh in! I am so sad to see her like this.

I never condoned the show for being very smart, like most of the diet industry they just want to sell you products and feed you false information. Infact, every weigh-in is a lie, and it can be wrongfully discouraging for anyone wanting to lose weight. The show sets more unhealthy, bad examples than good ones.

This finale was the final straw. Applauding an obvious eating disorder? After seeing the winner tonight, I’m just not going to watch anymore. This has gotten ridiculous. I hope they do something to give her the help she needs.

Here comes the New Year!

and what better time to make some goals!

but first…. I finally weighed myself Christmas Eve, my goal was to lose 4 pounds and…. I only lost 1. BUT that’s all I deserved, BECAUSE I worked out only 3 times! I’m ashamed to admit that. While I’m being honest with myself, I could say how busy I was and blah blah blah but the real reason was laziness. The only reason I was able to still lose a pound was thanks to sensible eating, which I have really gotten the hang of this year, and that’s awesome! But I have been watching all tone fade off my body for these past couple months and it’s not acceptable.

I’m still trying to find the perfect balance to everything. I am a mere 3 pounds away from my goal weight, and then I want to stay there. That’s the only fitness resolution I’m making this year. I have been happier than ever with my body this year, and have discovered a whole new love for every curve and flaw. I have lost 48 pounds and I’m damn proud of that! Most importantly it has showed me if I truly put my mind to something, I can absolutely do it.

Right now I am surrounded by treats! Santa really wants to sabotage my diet, and I’ve been giving in. I figure there’s one last week of this year, I might as well live it up a little and enjoy the chocolate cake. With that said, I’ve just realized I’m a horrible role model. You should probably all unfollow me now…lol

I guess I’m not really fighting a war anymore, I’m just keeping close eye on the enemy, and I’m happy with that.

Dec 2

so, my arms are still there!


I def wouldn’t mess with me. I’m getting back into the workout grind and bringing out the beast. I’ve noticed my stomach getting flabby again, I don’t think the whole “let’s workout once a week” thing is enough anymore! I’m ready to get serious again. It’s funny when I try to look tough, isn’t it?

NOworkout NOvember?

November has been severely lacking in the workout department, but everything else in life is super duper! I just had a gigantic bowl of ice cream to aid my killer cramps, and I had a sudden burst of motivation… 

I am going to lose 4 pounds by Christmas. I AM GOING TO LOSE 4 POUNDS BY CHRISTMAS. 

I have been hovering at my ultimate goal weight for far too long, it’s time to put in the work and give myself the perfect Christmas present… my goal weight! Then from there I can stop stressing and just maintain, stop feeling guilty and just maintain, stop worrying and finally MAINTAIN! YES! I WANT THIS!

I’m not going to weigh myself from now until Christmas Eve. I’m totally doing it guysssss! :D

Nov 3

October is OVER!

I lost 1 pound last month. 1 measly little pound. That’s all I deserved really, I didn’t workout much at all. My priorities have shifted a bit and working out has been at the bottom lately. It’s all okay though, I am still eating mostly healthy, and just finding my balance again when it comes to life.

Now that it’s November, I’m using the thought of holiday photos as my motivation to kick it up a notch again. My back seems to be normal now, I haven’t had any pain in weeks! So I’ll be slowly pushing myself back into the hardcore routine, and I want to see a bigger loss next month! I’m going to earn it this time!

Even when your super busy, if you want it bad enough, you’ll find the time. I just need to want it a little more! Now that I’m officially at a weight acceptable for my height on the BMI scale, I have been just maintaining, but I don’t want to live on that line between healthy and overweight, I want to be at a healthy weight and stay there! I don’t want to ever be overweight again, and I don’t plan on it with the exception of pregnancies. This body feels too good now to go back to where I was!

Oct 2

September sum-up.

September has been exhausting, defeating, a struggle, and most of all it flew by faster than I can believe! I started off really determined and pushed myself hard…. too hard! Turns out too much ab work and bad form can lead to one hell of a back problem. I rested a few days to get my back feeling better, then I forced my way into a tough workout again… BAM next day my back was even worse. So painful it brought me to tears multiple times. I had to take it easy.

Ultimately the only workout I have done for the past couple weeks is a few leisurely walks. My eating hasn’t been great either, as I have fell victim to dessert almost everyday. There’s been alot of chips and pizza in my life.

So today I was stepping on the scale, bracing myself to see some major damage, maybe even a 3 lb gain. To my surprise, I had still managed to lose weight this month! I am down another 4 lbs! How? What? Why? Hunh!? Oh well, let’s not question it, let’s just celebrate and try to do better next month. My plan is to take it slow and ease back into the tough stuff. I’m also going to stop tempting myself with desserts so often.

It’s all about balance and taking things one day at a time. Today for instance, I most likely won’t have time for a workout. I have been ultra busy with work and all my housework has been pushed aside, so I’ll be catching up on that (which is a workout in itself!). I have gotten much better at not getting so down when I miss a workout, and after losing weight regardless this month, clearly I shouldn’t be so concerned! Eating is a big part of it too, and I have reached a good compromise with food. I am so proud that I have made all these changes permanent and have learned to take better care of myself.

OH! and my camera broke so no progress shots! I must admit I’m a little happy about that! lol

Sep 4

oh yeah SWEATember!

Oh hey! How u doin? (I said that in my Wendy Williams voice but not sure how you’d know that)

I’m going to be real honest with you as I always am…

August did not go well. Since my last post, nothings changed, and I ultimately chickened out of weighing myself. I still have loads of junk food in my cabinets right now, but I am picking at it modestly. At least I still have SOME self-control. The last time I REALLY worked out HARD was weeks ago. Lately I’ve been taking walks and counting it as exercise, which it is, but I know I’m only maintaining right now and I can do better, way better. There is just something about this time of year that makes me want to slack, but I refuse. Tomorrow I’m going to workout with Jillian and get my groove back.

I also promised a photo, I took this a few days ago and it’s the best I can do right now. 

Despite my recent lack of discipline, I am feeling positively fantastic! At the end of September SWEATember I WILL take my traditional old blue swimsuit shot, and I WILL weigh myself, and I WILL report here and make you all proud and motivated. :D and I expect the same from all of you! I think we all could use a little extra motivation right now to stay on that healthy track!

this little piggy…

This past week I have been on the completely wrong track. My husband and I were on vacation and the first half of it I stayed strong, kept working out everyday, eating right,… but then temptation took over and I disregarded all the rules. It felt fantastic. I ate ice cream every night, enjoyed an entire pizza to myself, had big breakfasts with all the trimmings, sat on the couch with my hand deep into a bag of chips, I indulged in every craving I had. It was just like the good old days where I didn’t think about calories, or even care about exercise. 

Well, vacation’s over now, but I’m having a hard time transitioning back to my healthy routine. I’m feeling lazier than ever! My portions are still vacation-sized and my body feels like melting jello. It’s even harder to push through it because of my period, which always makes we want to sit around and over-eat.

Overall, August started out strong, but with the end of summer looming closer I have been more focused on relaxing and being carefree. I still have that determination in the back of my head, and I want September to be full of fitness and healthy choices! This little setback was fun, but the confidence of slipping into jeans effortlessly, looking ripped in a tank-top, and walking around without having to suck-in is a lot more fun. I will move forward.

Aug 5

Still working on it!

I mentioned this sweet set-up in my last post, but I just had to brag how cool it is to have my computer hooked up to the big screen:


I took this about a week ago, I’m watching junk reality tv on the left while doing Jillian’s BFBM on the right.

I have been doing various workouts almost everyday, and on the days I skip,… I feel awful, unaccomplished, borderline worthless. I’m really amazed at what some exercise (or lack of) can do to my mood. My eating has become an ice-cream fest, but I’m trying to cut back… TRYING!

Today I did some awesome cardio with “Turbo Jam”. I held up really well, the whole time I was thinking how hard this would of been for me a year ago. 

Even though I have been feeling extra sexy lately, my arms are still too big for my body. I’m really self conscious about them…still! I have been doing every arm workout I can find, but it feels like they might be getting even bigger! NOOO!!! So now I’m more focused on cardio/overall fat burning in hopes the weight starts shifting from my arms. I swear, that is going to be the last spot to shrink! stupid arms!

I’ll be doing another weigh-in at the end of the month, and even though I stopped keeping remarkable track of my workouts, I think I need to slip on my blue swimsuit and take some pictures too, for old time’s sake. See ya then! Keep working hard in August! 

Face Comparison!


It’s been another wedding anniversary, and we decided last year to take an annual photo to see how we change throughout the years! Just imagine how cool it will be to see after 20+ years! My face is so different and look at that collarbone! I am happier than ever, and I feel healthier than ever!

I lost 2 pounds since last month! Which is a MAJOR victory because I have been pigging out very frequently. I somehow fell into my old habit of nightly ice cream, I blame the summer heat! So naturally, I was thrilled to see I was still losing weight regardless, even though it wasn’t much. I have also been indulging in chips, but I have greatly improved my portion control. It’s nice to see I can eat the things I enjoy and still see some results.

I have been working out regularly, and it feels great! We have my computer monitor hooked up to our big screen tv, so I have been playing workouts off of youtube! I absolutely love the freedom of it, and often get excited about new workouts I find. Recently I did a Tracy Anderson workout, and although she is heavily celebrity endorsed, I wasn’t impressed. The workout made me feel like I was going to snap my neck or roll an ankle, not to mention her instruction was severely lacking! So far, nothing beats a Jillian workout.

Until next time my friends, keep on moving! You can do it!!! <3

Jul 2

Nothing fits anymore!… in a good way.

Hey there! I have been putting this off long enough… the day I rummage through my closet and try on all my old summer clothes. I figured some items would be too big, but wow, everything was waaaaay too big! Like, unbearably big! There were some skirts that I was really counting on wearing this summer that were too tight on me last year. As I was sliding one on I instinctively sucked in thinking I wouldn’t be able to zip it. Boy was I surprised when I zipped up my skirt and it dropped back to my ankles! I was actually angry that I literally have nothing to wear, and saving for a house has got me stuck with no extra money for new clothes. I have been cutting and sewing a lot this week trying to get summer-ready. After the try-on session I had today, I’m feeling pretty fabulous about my newly slimmer body. I’ll feel even better if I can get some hand-me-downs from my mom and sister to help me have a more fashionable summer.

Since I have stopped blogging my every little workout, I haven’t worked out much. I was sick with an intestinal virus for a couple days after my last post, and now I’m at the tail-end of my period. Even with this little break, I have still mastered eating reasonably, and I’m really proud of myself for that. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on foods I love either, I have found a nice balance! It only freed up a little time, but I have made great use of it, and have been feeling a lot less stressed finally. Overall, so far, so good. As long as I don’t start gaining, I’m going to keep living life normally, fitting in exercise when I can, eating right, and staying body positive! :)

Reflecting on 1 Year of Fitness

Wow! This is the longest I have ever stuck to a diet/exercise plan, and it has been the easiest one too! Maybe that’s because I decided I wasn’t going to sacrifice any of the foods I loved, and I was going to accept that I’ll never like working out, it’s just going to be something I’ll have to do. With that in mind, I did the toughest workouts I could get my hands on! Forget fun, I want effective! I also discovered the wonders of water!

More blabbing and pictures:

Read More